No Spirit!

So, in my previous post about Christmas I stated that I was determined to make Christmas what it use to be. Truth is, even though I know in my heart that it is not about the money, gifts, decorations and what not, tradition for me was all about that. It wasn’t so much about the most expensive gifts but at least to have some gifts was a part of my Christmas growing up. I have to confess that as of right now I am not feeling the spirit of Christmas. All I can do right now is pray that Jesus shows me what today really is and puts a smile in my heart.

On August 4, 2017 we were in a car accident in Kilgore, Texas. It was a hit and run so of course that left us responsible for a lot of things we were not at all in a position for. Mind you, this was on my birthday! Our car was totalled, myself and my wife were a little banged up and my youngest son and his little friend were just fine. I thanked the good Lord that we were all alive. I have to say that throughout my life that was the scariest moment thus far.

However, the reason I brought up our accident is because we are, til this day still fighting to get back to some normalcy. The accident put a lot of strain on us in many aspects. Christmas this year isn’t anything of what we usually are able to do. As a child I received presents (not many) but still I received presents. My children will of course receive gifts from family but their mothers cannot provide them with any present on Christmas Day. I do still feel in my heart that it is not what Christmas is about, however, it is still a tradition that my family instilled in me growing up. Every Christmas we were able to share our tradition with our children and I am thankful for that but I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t broken-hearted that this Christmas, under our tree, it is bare.

We, of course will make it up to our boys!¬† I just don’t know how to mask my broken heart with a smile on my face. A part of me just wants to sleep the day away and when I wake the day will be over. Y’all, I am in a funk! I have to talk to the Lord (all day) if need be to get me through it as he has gotten me through many difficult times before. I will definitely not give up on my goal of making Christmas of what it truly is and simply having family together again like it use to be. I have a lot of work to do but I am not giving up. Regardless of the funk I am in today, I will not give up. He is on my side!

Myself and my youngest son will be headed to my middle sister’s home in a bit to share a Christmas meal together as family. The wife has to work. Now today’s meal will not be your traditional holiday feast! Here in Louisiana, we are having GUMBO! Anyhow, maybe my mood can change, for the better of course! I will be back to update just how things turned out for me.

BTW! (By The Way)

My oldest son came down from Dallas with my grand baby. They got in early this morning, however, I have yet to see them. I hope all goes well with that also! I miss them and love them dearly. In case you haven’t read my “About” page, my oldest son and his baby’s mother weren’t exactly on my nice list. My son I will never ignore but that baby momma….

…to be continued!

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